*It's called a break-up coz it's broken*

I'm back home in SpringHill =) ! & it feels good to be home! I have a couple of plans lining up for me this holidays and I am genuinely excited. Not gonna spoil things but saying what my plans are yet but trust me, they are good *cough*.  

NewMoon is out and I wanna go watch it. Twilight was really good when I watched it last year with Shim and Wei Hoong in Brissy. Shim was very reluctant to watch it with me but look at her now, she's even more excited than me =P .

oh btw, I'm off to Singapore for the weekend! ;)

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I'm gonna write certain stuff that I feel oh-so strongly for- based on experiences and observations of life. So I'm gonna start off with a line, =)

TALK IS CHEAP!

If there is one thing I learnt so far is anyone, anybody can talk, whisper empty promises, say the nicest most thoughtful things but if they are not backed up with actions, they are basically worth nothing - like dust blown happily in the air.

I can tell any man that I love him, think about him day and night, want to share my hope and dreams with him, that he is the most amazing, most talented man I've ever met and of course I would love to spend the rest of my life with him - yet don't mean a single word I say.

cause any Siti, Mei Ling and Kumari can utter those words! Am I not right? =_=

but the thing is, I don't play with people's feelings. I don't say things that I don't mean especially when it comes down to this matter, if anything, I think it's disrespectful, inappropriate and not to mention, cruel just to do that! So as  much as I hate to play with people's feeling, I hate it too when other people play with mine.

The feelings and the heart are not meant to be tossed and turned in such a way. So please, the next time you say something, please ensure that you mean it or at least will do anything in your power to make it happen. It is so not cool to say another thing but do the complete opposite.

Recently, a friend of mine confided to me that the man she is currently dating now, could not get over his ex-gf when at the same time, he is telling my friend that she is the one for him. I am as confused as she is...haha! Though I am not a relationship expert, I  know i don't want to be with a man who could not get over his previous gf and I certainly shall not be compared to her and i think this applies to the opposite sex too. I don't think any guys would want themselves to be compared to the ex-bfs his gf have had, right?

Well this entry is not dedicated to this particular friend of mine, but more so, to her bf whom I am quite close to and of course to my readers out there who can identify themselves with this issue.

Okie Bro, tho we are friends and all, but this time, you make the wrong move, say the wrong things and I am not on your side. Just want you to know that I am not here to bash you up la (so we will still be friends after this ...lol) but to shed a different light on you from an outsider perspective. 

The thing is, no girl (or guy for that matter) likes it when her man is thinking about other girls. You either commit or you don't. I understand that your previous relationship was a relationship that you held closely to your heart. You were madly in love with her and thought that she is the love of your life. Well reality is, that relationship of yours didn't work out as you hope it would be. I'm sorry that you guys broke up, but hey, it was good while it lasted.

What I am trying to say here is, don't hold on to your past because you don't know what you are missing in the present or what you could build in the future. I know it hurts, but like all things, time will heal all wounds. The scars may still be there, but whether you allow that scars to permanently disfigure your life, is entirely up to you.

There is this thing that we call "freewill". Nobody can make you feel like this unless you allow them to. Don't think of 'what-could-have-been-then' instead think of 'what-could-have-been-now'. It's easier said than done, but it is not impossible. If there is one thing I am sure of bro, I don't want to ever waste my time and my life to a person doesn't love and care about me as he said he would.  I'm still re-building my life and trying to sort things for myself too - as to what I want and what I need. The days are dark sometimes, I admit, but days like these, make me not take things for granted, to love who I have and what I have with me now.

as a matter of fact, if your ex-gf (the one that you love and care for the most in the world) , is that great, that awesome, that fantastic, that fabulous, don't you think you would still be with her by now?

so my question to you,

is she really that superb that you can't live without?

correct me if I'm wrong, but if she is really that super duper important to you, wouldn't you do just about anything to make your relationship work? Wouldn't you fly across the ocean just to show her that you love her? or if her family is the problem, wouldn't you find ways to win their hearts? or if your family doesn't like her, wouldn't you find ways to explain this to them? saying that you love and miss your ex still is not enough...showing that you mean what you say, is what differentiates a chicken and a real man.

I mean, to confess and to claim that you love someone so so deeply, wouldn't you do just that?

cause' if she is worth having then she is worth fighting for, right?

I would if I were you. I would lower down my ego and pursue the man I love regardless of circumstances. If it doesn't work out, well at least, I tried. A man worth having, is worth that sacrifice.

So bro, if your ex-gf is what you believe to be your one and only soulmate, as surprising as this may sound, I support you to do anything within boundaries to win her back. Don't waste another girl's life when you are  out there figuring out yours. I don't want my gf to be with someone who is not sure of his feelings for her. She deserves better, don't you think?

As far as I am concerned, your ex is already dating somebody else. If you are that great it would take her long enough to find herself another love. But she dated almost immediately after you guys broke up. Whoa, she wasted no time, so why waste yours? If that doesn't ring a bell, I will blow a trambone right into your ears.

or on the other hand, you could just MOVE ON...

moving on is NOT as simple as dipping your Oreo cookies into your coffee, but I realise if life knocks you down, you get yourself up back. I'll do this with you if I have to. In fact, lets do it together and get our lives back on track. It's never too late. A break-up is one of the worst things on earth but it is not the end of your life. Most people have to go through that to appreciate the people they have in their lives now. From the pedestal I'm standing, you are missing out on one of the loveliest girls I know. It's not to late to mend it, if you want to.

Have a thought about this...and when you have decided (whatever your decision is), I hope it will work for you and for the best of the people you love.

*I believe in God*

If you know me, than you will know that I am spiritual.  Not exactly religious, but...just hmmm spiritual. I am first and foremost a Christian then a daughter, sister, friend, teacher or whatever label you wana label me. I know who I am, which is why in the face of adversities, I am able to put up a smile and remain steadfast because I have an absolute trust that my God will never fail me. I may fail Him (in fact I have failed Him many many times) but I know, He never will. 

Sometimes I don't understand what His plans are...I question things like why can't things go according to MY plans, why can't things be easy and simple, why do I have to go through so many challenges and struggles that hurt me, break me and tear me apart, why does He has to take someone or something important away from me =( .... sometimes the days are rough, melancholic and suicidal,  moments where I feel alone, broken and confused, things are not always rosy, I work hard only to watch the things I work for crumble before me, I open up myself to someone, allow my feelings to be so vulnerable, put my heart at stake only to have it shattered into a million of pieces, so yo, i dont have it easy...

but you know what...

what ever struggles that I have gone through, am going through or will go through

it has never made me doubt the existence of God...

yes I blame God sometimes, but I never ever believe that He doesn't care about me...

I understand what a powerful love that God has for me...

just because I say I wana quit stuff doesnt mean I mean it...i'm just complicated sometimes

so come what my way,

i choose to trust Him that He has my best interest at heart,

surrender my life and things that are beyond my control to Him,

never give up because things happen for a reason and nothing ever happens by accident,

give my utmost praise to the Creator of Life,

and wear a smile every day no matter how gloomy and dark the day is.

for without Him, I am a nobody and I won't be who I am now, doing what I do..

so before I end,

just a few verses from the bible I like to share...

Philippians 4:13

I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

Isaiah 41:10

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.

Goodnight people! 

God loves you and so do I!

*Cultural Night*

I'm gonna make this real quick coz I gotta get back to watching Gossip Girl Season 2 =) .  Love that show! I almost wish that sometimes I can be as shallow, vain, bimbotic and manipulative as the characters in the movie...hehe! Their fashion sense is out of the world and Chace Crawford is absolutely YUMMY! However, the cover on the DVDs I have is really dodgy coz if people who have never heard of Gossip Girl would think I am watching some erotic movies! =_= aiyo!

and when I'm done with this show, hopefully in two days time, I'm gonna watch True Blood Season 1! Sounds like a wonderful plan to me! Do catch these shows if you have the time. They are worth watching...just like 'Heroes'!

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and since I promised to blog about our cultural night, I hope by posting lots of pictures...you'll get my story. A picture is worth a thousand words right? So, lots of pics ahead coz i'm so lazy to blog... =_=

                                                         

That's our hall...preparing for the show tonight!

and it was a full house despite the rain...parents and the people of Paloh came to support!

 

 make-up really needs to be thick, bright and outrageous if you are performing.

coz if it's too light, the performers will look dull and really unattractive once the lights hit their faces on the stage

so why do you think the celebrities put on 3 inches of make up when they are out in public...partly because of this reason lo.

 

i did their eyes and it was really funny, coz i honestly taught that all of them looked like they just came out from a horror movie set...

The boys getting really chummy with each other...

The pretty fan dancers...

 

If you think they look scary...haha...please hold me responsible for their faces that night!

 

 My gf did their hair..so puffed up and so modern. When my hair is longer, I'm gonna have the same hairstyle too....lol!

 

I did their faces too...Like Chinese Opera singers only..Never have I ever applied that much make-up on anybody...haha it was fun!

the girls all dressed-up...so cute!

 

 The dancers!

 

The kindergarten kids also performed...it was an 'awwwww' moment!

err...the dancing in the rain dance...lol!

i wanted to have that umbrella myself...

 

hmm..singing some Malay song I think..

 

 

 and these were all the kids that practised real hard for that day!

Kudos guy for a job well done!

It was your night, you shone so brightly, it burnt my eyes! =)

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The next day, we had the year end ceremony where we appreciate and honour the kids who did well academically as well as in sports and other stuff too...

 

 My colleagues!

 

 Looking bright and happy!

 

 My playful Year 6 kids!

the baby is so cute...when I tried to hold and carry him...he started to cry. sigh! why?

Babies don't like me =( !

and it was also the day where the Year 6 finally graduated from primary school..

the school held a farewell ceremony for them

 

i'm going to miss them....especially the second boy from your right because not only is he super talented..I adore him for his good manners and of course good looks!

you are going to grow up with lots of admirers....breaking a lot of hearts...

 

All the Year 6 on the stage, singing a farewell song.

I teared up when all of them came down to shake hands with the teachers..

Can't believe 2009 is coming to an end! I'm going back to Port Dickson this coming Tuesday...coz just like last year, I had to become the school jaga in case the buildings mysteriously disappear =_= .

But no matter, it is a well-fought year for me...work and studies are done and completed...

and I have a few plans cooking up... =) so excited!

will blog along the way...

till then, you just have to keep reading. ;)


*okie, back to Gossip Girl! Chow!*

*Our journey has come to an end*

I shall blog about yesterday's cultural performance later..

but now this has to come first...

UPSR result out today. Out of 75 Year 6 students, 4 students scored straight As (7As). Congratulations guys! Overall, my headmaster is very satisfied with this year result even though, the last year's students performed better. More than 5 students scored 6As because they scored either B or C in English. If it wasn't for the English paper, the number of students scoring straight As could increase by 10 students.

So, we at the English department has a lot to answer for...oh gosh! Fortunately, I did not teach the best class nor have i ever taught them before, but as part of the English team, I am also responsible for the poor results. The percentage of passes in English is about 68% (if i'm not mistaken =P) when 2008, we had around 72-74% of passes.

If you have been  following my journey with my Year 6K students, I want to announce that we didn't fare so well...as expected 7 of my students failed my paper. A disappointing outcome considering I was so focussed in passing them all. What hurts me more was two of these students did considerably well in other subjects but got D for their English. I felt so guilty, so responsible, so shocked because they have never failed the paper before.I could see the shock and disappointment in their eyes and it saddened me. I called out their names after they got their results, but before I could even speak, they broke into tears. My two tough boys were in tears =(. Immediately, I went over to give them a huge hug and said it is okay. Tears fell down on my cheeks  as some came saying "Sorry teacher, we let you down". There was no need to say sorry because I know deep down they had given their best.

So the result for the class I taught is 4Bs, 13Cs and 7Ds.

When the result was announced, some cried tears of happiness and some cried tears of sorrow. One of the top three students, who aimed to score all As cried for 2 hours (i'm not kidding) when she scored 6As. I guess, she should learn to accept disappoinment coz it is part and parcel of life.

So the question I leave myself is:

Do I see myself and my kids as failures?

No, I don't! Absolutely not! This is LIFE! We have our ups, and we have our downs. I'm not allowing a piece of paper to judge my ability as a teacher or my students' intelligence as learners. To me the result is secondary, it is the process that we have gone through together that matters the most. We did our best and hey, our best wasn't good enough. So aim to do better next time. I've learnt a lot through my journey as a teacher. What to expect and what not to expect. As a teacher, I can only do so much, I cannot control what happens at home when my students are not in class. Am I disappointed? Of course! But am I going to wallow in self-pity and guilt? Definitely not! Sometimes we work hard and things don't turn out the way it should. I have learnt to accept that. What to say but only this, it was nothing less than our hearts and our souls that we put in. Faith alone is not sufficient but there is a lesson that everyone can learn from this experience (lets no go into the details).

Does my faith in God remain as strong as it is?
For sure! If anything, this experience has not decreased my faith in Him, in fact it has strengthened my faith even more. Whatever it is, I choose to give thanks in all circumstances.

Each moment of success and each moment of failure...I take it all in, in style, grace and charm =) !

Thank you all for reading me and for allowing me to share this part of the journey with you.

The pleasure is mine.

*Goodnight World*

Ooops, I left this out in my previous artsy post.

Paper cutting art done by my Year 6 kids.

Beautiful pieces are meant to be shared...so here I am sharing this with you. =P

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Just came back from our school cultural performance. When I said it is going to be GRAND...I wasn't kidding you. It was grand and fantastic! For the first time in my life, I feel proud to be Chinese and appreciate its customs and traditions...hohoho! Tonight, it rained cats and dogs, but so glad the parents came to give their support despite the heavy rain. Cause there wouldn't be a show without the audience.

It was crazy for us teachers, I did make-up non-stop and the kids really liked it. At the end of the day, my colleagues gave me an applause and complimented my make-up skill. Too funny when they too did a much better job than me. Pictures will be up soon. =)

Right now I'm just too tired. So I'm saying goodbye and goodnight to the world.

I shall end this post abruptly by writing

"Months have passed, but I still think about you and wish things could just go on as it used to be".

*Art is cool*

Tomorrow, my students are putting up a cultural performance in the school hall. It's going to be grand. I'm helping my colleague to do my students' hair and make-up. People in school seem to have this idea that I do a lot of make-up when almost all the time, I am without my make-up on.  Poor kids, trusting me to do their faces. Hehe..I will make each one beautiful okie! This is definitely better than asking me to carry chairs and tables...me dislike weight-lifting!

UPSR result is out this Thursday. The last time I counted, 8 out of 24 kids may be getting Ds and Es for their paper. Failing is mandatory coz some did so poorly, I wanted to vomit out blood =_=. Sorry guys, I did what I could to pass all of you. I could only hope that I will reduce the number of failures.

Btw, I'm planning to get my hands on this book..

Stories by Freedom Writers Teachers..

coz I watched Freedom Writers movie and loved it!

But the book is rather expensive, almost RM70...so im planning to visit BookXcess in Amcorp Mall, PJ soon (pls check out their website) ! I used to hang out a lot there and buy lots of books. Remember those times, Chewy? You hanged around the shop and waited for me patiently as I picked my books. Sometimes, you just sat there and never complained if I was in the shop a tad too long. Thanks wor!

BookXcess is a great bookshop which sells NEW books at a much cheaper price. You can get more than 50% discounts on their books. They are cheap because they are excess books...so i guess that's how they got their name lo. Regular bookstores may sell a best-seller novel for RM35 but you can get RM17-19 for the same book. And the best part is, this book is NEW! =)  Read more, for less!

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Okay I havent done this in quite a while..artsy fartsy stuff done by the kids,

I gravitate to colourful things .....you hardly see me in brown or grey

 

Papers folded into butterfilies...great idea for lower primary classes..

Empty cans made into a hat or you can make it into a swan (sorry no pic of the swan tho)

For upper primary classes, asking them to colour the Malaysian flag is like asking them to count from 1 to 10.

So what I did was, asking them to use a puncher to punch those colour papers and stick those tiny round little thingy onto the flag. Did this during August to celebrate National Day.

Took them two weeks to do. Not easy coz even i don't have the patient =P !

I don't know how to explain this...but basically, just use the pencil to shade the shapes to show the difference...which part the light hits the most or less...get it?

 

Cut out pictures from newspaper...and ask them to describe the pictures in their own words...but words must be cut out from the paper or magazines too.

i just want them to use English words...so do art, learn English too.

Okay is it me, or has anyone realised that my English has deteriorated significantly over the course of two years. I'm writing like crap lately, i don't know why. Maybe I'm just old, my writing and my thinking are no longer as sharp as they used to be. I'm finding it so difficult to write these days just to express myself. I'm using the same word over and over again and my vocabulary is so yuck, I am embarassed to tell people I teach English for a living. Bleh, even the secondary school kids can write better than me.

man, i don't know why and this worries me!

=_=

anyone got a good explanation for this or any suggestion as to how I can improve my English and write beautifully??? please let me know ya. Thanks a lot!

*Over & Done With*

I learnt that I got two choices,

mourn and worry, but cannot change the outcome of my circumstances

or

be happy and merry, but still cannot change the outcome of my circumstances...

so which sounds better? I'm frustrated that I have no control of certain things and I wish things could have turned out differently for me...i'm disappointed with the 'result' but there is nothing I can do.

by circumstances also....i am refering to all the challenges, struggles and significant events that happened to me this year...

so, I choose to go on with life and trust Him that He has my best interest at heart. =)

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The reason for not blogging regularly was this

people studying outside the exam hall...i just watched coz i didn't know what else to do..

I was sitting for my final exams! And it officially ended a day ago. I should be jumping up and down because I completed the first hurdle of my postgrad studies. But I was under a rough spell last week, it affected my spirit. =( you cannot expect me to smile and be happy all the time. sigh!

I was really really down, I wrote crap in my Literature paper and submitted a really dumb proposal - one that i don't intend to use in the real life =_=. My brain went dead and I couldnt think. I wrote like a 12 year old . I did not perform when it mattered the most =(. I got back all my Literature assignments that day and got all A's, but still it all comes down to the final two papers. So if I get a B when I could have gotten myself an 'A' it will hurt me because I loveeeeee Literature.  If that happens, please learn from my mistake to never allow negativity or your emotions to control and consume you. Suck it up and you will soon learn, that you were worried and depressed for nothing. =_=

Anyway, it was exams...and I got four days to cramp whatever I have learnt  so far in four months...so, let me bring you to my wonderful journey of stress.... =) ...so stressful, I wished I never did it in the first place...I wanted to raise the white flag many many times...but I managed to pull through somehow.

I did my final research assignment at a children's corner in BORDERS (of all the places.). Brainstorm a couple of things with Allen. Stole Starbucks wireless line and searched for articles there...ho ho ho!

We were not too keen of working and studying in the library. The library is such an intimidating place to be. So sorry, didn't go there!

I studied whenever I had the free time. If I want to allocate 'special  time to study, it is not going to happen, because I don't have extra time. I don't want to sacrifice my 6 hours of sleep okie! and I wont ever sacrifice my sleep!

enough sleep = productivity! =)

studied at the hair salon...=D i was there close to 2 hours...so couldn't waste precious time. Must read the thick textbook!

studied at Redbox...sang and did assignment...omg! this was soooo NOT my idea okie..i don't like to sing in front of Allen and his three students =_= !

read inside the car while waiting for friends

did assignment and study in the staffroom...thank God that school is ending soon and all the syllabus has been completed...so i have time to breathe a bit  and concentrate on myself. That's my good colleague sitting in front of me, also doing assignment...we only do this during our free time but definitely after we have completed our work la.

did revision in between watching CSI series...CSI is a must okie...i love their brilliant investigations! =) cannot sacrifice that also!

and studied at Nando's...an hour before the exam. This is Allen laughing at my notes because I got my present and past tense mixed up. Crap! =_=

All in all, every moment of completing assignments, studying and revision were all done  sooooo last minute, I am glad is all over now.

That is why, I highly recommend those who want to study, to do it full time or at least live very near your university. My life now is mostly spent on the road - driving.

I did my best in every paper, and i wouldn't change a thing...

BUT

if i get a 'C' for my Statistics, I'm telling you, I am quitting the whole course.  I'm not joking, I already told my mum. There is no way in this world, am i going to sit through another semester to do Statistics with all that insane calculations. No thanks! So I quit if I get 'C'! Nuff' said!

ok enough about my exam and my used-to-be stressful life (like i'm the only one with high level of stress!)

I want to share with you life after exam...

Life post exam is:

watching Season 2 of Gossip Girls...wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!

and playing 'BubbleBob Fish' on/in my new toy =D !

I got a new netbook..hehe

it's half the size of my laptop...

and it's a gift from wonderful people who wish to remain anonymous...so anonymous you all shall be!

the reason for having a netbook is...i no longer want to carry my big and heavy laptop where ever i go..such a hassle to carry, i don't like carrying huge-bum  laptops. i need something small, light, compact...i wanted that design (above) tho, but they didn't have it...so i have to settle for a pink one =( .

 

see what did I tell you...so much smaller right...even the case is smaller than my ACER bag..so stylish, carry like a pouch or a handbag

i'm all for convinience...

and my mum has one too...she bought much earlier than me just to play games *so cute*

 

and last two nights ago, my mum taught me how to play 'BubbleBob Fish".

she's a pro when it comes to playing games..

up until now, i have yet to beat her high score!

*determined...must beat mum's high score by the end of next week*

and

totally random pic just to say thank you ;) :

for meeting up after class

keeping things into perspective

reducing my stress level

weekly goss-sessions etc etc

i can never thank this pretty lady enough ;)

alright, that's all for today. I'm tired and my whole muscles are aching from playing badminton.

Congratulations for reading this far tho! *gives a good pat on your back*