*you dont have to understand*

i have not forgotten about this blog..

nor am i dead...

still alive...

but at my lowest moment this year...=_=

i know i havent been blogging lately...

i have a good explanation for this...

when the time comes, i will explain...

im feeling really really low, the spirit is just down for the past couple of weeks,

maybe im just stressed...or maybe im depressed...or it could be both..

i don't know...

i'm doing everything so well, yet a part of me wish the outcome could be different...

i've made plans, and the plans can't work if the decision doesn't go along with the plans..

it pains me, absolutely pains me to no end...

not knowing about the future,

what it holds for me,

but what surprises me the most is i've been waiting for this day,

when everything finally comes to its end,

one final exam paper this Saturday,

one more week for work,

and just be merry and be happy until 2010...

yet i feel so down, so sad, so confused..

broken completely,

almost defeated...

i learnt too that if I want something so badly,

I gotta fight for it even if it means i am down on bended knees,

i can't watch things happen to me, if it's not happening, then i must make things happen for me,

and i did just that..

and the rest, is up to Him...

i gave my best and i fought hard...

and what a friend of mine wrote to me.... struck my heart profoundly,

"Grace is all you need, popo"

and i couldn't agree more..

I need grace upon my life...

not just any grace,

but His grace...

it was nothing less than my heart and my soul that I gave in..

and knowing that, comprehending that fact,

i now surrender and submit to a power higher than myself..

Your will be done in my life...

and i also want people to know...

that having faith doesn't mean i don't have doubts,

nor does it mean, i don't have flaws and uncertainties....

and hopefully tomorrow the sun will shine bright...

and the days will be bigger and better!